I can not speak for the others, although there was a wondrous maze of lies put forth that night by way of explanation that I might repeat.

All I know is that through my mind kept running against my will self-accusation, self-condemnation, self-contempt! I had permitted my love for Ranjoor Singh to be corrupted by most meager evidence.

If I had not been his enemy, I had not been true to him, and who is not true is false.

I fought with a sense of shame as I have since then fought with thirst and hunger.

All the teachings of our Holy One accused me.