I said I never would come home again till I was a pilot and could come in glory.

But somehow I could not manage it.
I went meekly aboard a few of the boats that lay packed together like sardines at the long St.Louis wharf, and very humbly inquired for the pilots, but got only a cold shoulder and short words from mates and clerks.

I had to make the best of this sort of treatment for the time being, but I had comforting daydreams of a future when I should be a great and honored pilot, with plenty of money, and could kill some of these mates and clerks and pay for them..