I was too miserable even to resent it.
"I went about, day after day, in a dazed state, trying to make up my mind to leave the people, but I couldn't.

I don't know how it was, I had never felt so afraid of being thrown out into the world again.

I suppose it was bodily weakness, want of proper food, and overwork.

I began to feel that the whole world was wronging me.

Was there never to be anything for me but slaving?
Was I never to have any enjoyment of life, like other people?
I felt a need of pleasure, I didn't care how or what.