But I could write to her; in spite of myself I doubted whether she would come if I should write.
When Desgenais left me I became so desperate that I resolved to put an end to my trouble.

After a terrible struggle, horror got the better of love.

I wrote my mistress that I would never see her again, and begged her not to try to see me unless she wished to be exposed to the shame of being refused admittance.

I called a servant and ordered him to deliver the letter at once.

He had hardly closed the door when I called him back.