CHAPTER XII

Till now that she was threatened with its loss, Emma had never known how much of her happiness depended on being _first_ with Mr.Knightley, first in interest and affection .-- Satisfied that it was so, and feeling it her due, she had enjoyed it without reflection; and only in the dread of being supplanted, found how inexpressibly important it had been .-- Long, very long, she felt she had been first; for, having no female connexions of his own, there had been only Isabella whose claims could be compared with hers, and she had always known exactly how far he loved and esteemed Isabella.

She had herself been first with him for many years past.

She had not deserved it; she had often been negligent or perverse, slighting his advice, or even wilfully opposing him, insensible of half his merits, and quarrelling with him because he would not acknowledge her false and insolent estimate of her own--but still, from family attachment and habit, and thorough excellence of mind, he had loved her, and watched over her from a girl, with an endeavour to improve her, and an anxiety for her doing right, which no other creature had at all shared.

In spite of all her faults, she knew she was dear to him; might she not say, very dear ?--When the suggestions of hope, however, which must follow here, presented themselves, she could not presume to indulge them.

Harriet Smith might think herself not unworthy of being peculiarly, exclusively, passionately loved by Mr.Knightley.
_She_ could not.