And it's so hard for me to keep from laughing, even if Jem is going to be a soldier.

But when I laugh I don't enjoy it either, as I used to do.

There's something behind it all that keeps hurting me--especially when I wake up in the night.

Then I cry because I am afraid that Kitchener of Khartoum is right and the war will last for years and Jem may be--but no, I won't write it.

It would make me feel as if it were really going to happen.
The other day Nan said, 'Nothing can ever be quite the same for any of us again.' It made me feel rebellious.