49.] I have only led a languishing life; and the very pleasures that present themselves to me, instead of administering anything of consolation, double my affliction for his loss.

We were halves throughout, and to that degree, that methinks, by outliving him, I defraud him of his part.
"Nec fas esse ulla me voluptate hic frui Decrevi, tantisper dum ille abest meus particeps." ["I have determined that it will never be right for me to enjoy any pleasure, so long as he, with whom I shared all pleasures is away." -- Terence, Heaut., i.

I.97.] I was so grown and accustomed to be always his double in all places and in all things, that methinks I am no more than half of myself: "Illam meae si partem anima tulit Maturior vis, quid moror altera?
Nec carus aeque, nec superstes Integer?
Ille dies utramque Duxit ruinam." ["If that half of my soul were snatch away from me by an untimely stroke, why should the other stay?
That which remains will not be equally dear, will not be whole: the same day will involve the destruction of both."] or: ["If a superior force has taken that part of my soul, why do I, the remaining one, linger behind?
What is left is not so dear, nor an entire thing: this day has wrought the destruction of both." -- Horace, Ode, ii.

17, 5.] There is no action or imagination of mine wherein I do not miss him; as I know that he would have missed me: for as he surpassed me by infinite degrees in virtue and all other accomplishments, so he also did in the duties of friendship: "Quis desiderio sit pudor, aut modus Tam cari capitis ?" ["What shame can there, or measure, in lamenting so dear a friend ?" -- Horace, Ode, i.

24, I.] "O misero frater adempte mihi! Omnia tecum una perierunt gaudia nostra, Quae tuus in vita dulcis alebat amor.
Tu mea, tu moriens fregisti commoda, frater; Tecum una tota est nostra sepulta anima Cujus ego interitu tota de menthe fugavi Haec studia, atque omnes delicias animi.
Alloquar?
audiero nunquam tua verba loquentem?
Nunquam ego te, vita frater amabilior Aspiciam posthac; at certe semper amabo;" ["O brother, taken from me miserable! with thee, all our joys have vanished, those joys which, in thy life, thy dear love nourished.
Dying, thou, my brother, hast destroyed all my happiness.