It may have beset me in the heat of battle, when the fearsome lust of blood and death makes of every man a raving maniac, thrilled with mad joy at every stab he deals, and laughing with fierce passion at every blow he takes, though in the taking of it his course be run.

But, saving at such wild times, never until then could I recall having been so little master of myself.

There was a fever in me; all hell was in my blood, and, stranger still, and hitherto unknown at any season, there was a sickly fear that mastered me, and drew out great beads of sweat upon my brow.

Fear for myself I have never known, for at no time has life so pampered me that the thought of parting company with it concerned me greatly.

Fear for another I had not known till then--saving perchance the uneasiness that at times I had felt touching Andrea--because never yet had I sufficiently cared.
Thus far my thoughts took me, as I rode, and where I have halted did they halt, and stupidly I went over their ground again, like one who gropes for something in the dark,--because never yet had I sufficiently cared--I had never cared.
And then, ah Dieu! As I turned the thought over I understood, and, understanding, I pursued the sentence where I had left off.
But, caring at last, I was sick with fear of what might befall the one I cared for! There lay the reason of the frenzied excitement whereof I had become the slave.