Your whole life was out of tune.
How could you expect to produce anything worthy from such a jangling discord?
You should have been afraid, indeed, to write THEN.

But, NOW,--now, Brian, you are ready.

You are a long, long way down the river from the place of your failures.

The disturbing, distracting things are past,--just as in the quiet reach of the river below Elbow Rock the turmoil of the rapids is past.

You say that you know exactly what you want to write, and why you want to write it--and you do know--and because you know,--because you have suffered,--because you have learned,--because you can do this thing for others,--it is yours to do, and so you must do it.