But I should not wish you to think--that is, I--well, I had reasons, they seemed to me reasons, for being what I was--what I am.

I doubt if they were altogether good reasons; I am inclined now to think they were not.

But I had come to think them good.
You see, I--I--" I stopped, face to face with the fact that I could not give those reasons to her or any one else.

She was looking at me expectantly, and with, so it seemed to me, an expression of real, almost eager interest.
I faltered, tried to go on, and then surrendered, absolutely, to the hopelessness of the situation.
"It is no use," I said, "I can't tell you what those reasons were." I turned as I said it.

I did not care to see her expression change.