.

I paused.

No! I could not accept belief as to her being other than a living woman of soul and sense, of flesh and blood, of all the sweet and passionate instincts of true and perfect womanhood.
And so, in spite of all--in spite of all beliefs, fixed or transitory, with a mind whirling amid contesting forces and compelling beliefs--I stepped into the church overwhelmed with that most receptive of atmospheres--doubt.
In one thing only was I fixed: here at least was no doubt or misgiving whatever.

I intended to go through what I had undertaken.

Moreover, I felt that I was strong enough to carry out my intention, whatever might be of the Unknown--however horrible, however terrible.
When I had entered the church and closed the heavy door behind me, the sense of darkness and loneliness in all their horror enfolded me round.
The great church seemed a living mystery, and served as an almost terrible background to thoughts and remembrances of unutterable gloom.
My adventurous life has had its own schooling to endurance and upholding one's courage in trying times; but it has its contra in fulness of memory.
I felt my way forward with both hands and feet.